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CRUSHING

by Alisdair Cairns

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1.
If You'd Like To Dance 02:08
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Exchanging glances all night long Until you hear just the right song You walk over take my hand But I'll remain right where I stand This pumping dance-floor rhythm is all wrong No matter how much you implore I can't come with you to the floor I think you are divine But I can't jive in common time Come back when the music's in 3/4 (and I'll think about it...) I don't think Hip Hop's hip while Disco just won't do Oh Funk's a load of junk and R&B is too, if you Try me with some trance I'll consider it assault, oh If you'd like to dance you'll just have to wait for a waltz Maybe I'd move to a minuet Perhaps a polka at a stretch Perhaps I'm the kind of fella Who'll take to a tarantella But the DJ hasn't put one on just yet (so I'll just stand here...) It's not that I'm embarrassed and I'm definitely not scared I absolutely wouldn't class myself as rhythmically impaired but My talents are enhanced by the most romantic schmaltz, so If you'd like to dance you'll just have to wait... Believe me when I tell you that I think you're really cool, yeah I like you a whole lot but I'm sticking to my rule You don't have any chance, it's just one of my many faults If you'd like to dance you'll just have to wait...
2.
I Think She's Really Cool 03:55
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She hasn't bathed or brushed her teeth Her make-up's last night's She hasn't shaved her legs in weeks It's poking out through her tights There're stains on her skirt, she doesn't know what they are She's wearing a bikini top instead of a bra That wet patch on her collar is probably drool And I think to myself she's incredibly cool She gets out of bed around two But gets straight back in Eats peanut butter with just a spoon Gets it all down her chin Her friends drag her out and she drinks some cheap wine She goes home early but she says she feels fine She brings KFC on the bus, (she needs fuel!) And I think to myself she's outrageously cool She doesn't think she's pretty but she is She totally is Her pale skin and hipbones are perfectly chic The tattoos on her forearms add an air of mystique Sometimes she says stuff that makes me feel weird But she's so cool those thoughts have always disappeared
3.
The Girl I Like 02:01
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The girl I like doesn't like me back The girl I like doesn't like me back The girl I like doesn't like me back, oh no... We'll waltz all night under starlit skies A warm embrace as we say our goodbyes Then fall asleep with tired and swollen eyes I should quit trying to pretend And bring this agony to an end But I just can't resist her insistence we stay friends The girl I like doesn't like me back The girl I like doesn't like me back The girl I like doesn't like me back, oh no...
4.
Take My Time 03:04
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Girl I think you're great (you're really great) Everybody knows it We like all the same stuff (you've got great taste) That's what makes this so tough… I like when you're around (you're always fun) I miss you when you're not here You're truly a delight (I mean it, but...) But our chemistry's not right... Bitch get to the back of the queue Let me get a look at you With a face [body] like this I can afford to pick and choose Ladies form an orderly line If you want to be mine I'm in no hurry for a honey so i'm gonna take my time It's plain to those who look: I'm an Adonis I won't be admonished, I'm just being honest I'm highly desirable, admired by all So hot I'm widely described as a fireball I notice the glancing whenever I'm dancing I can't help my moves being oh so entrancing But I refuse the advances and stick to my stance. I've got time to wait, why should I chance things? I mean if it just so happens that all the girls I REALLY like have boyfriends or live in other countries or they just have too much on to get into a relationship right now that's fine. I don't have to change anything because I'm cool and handsome and sought-after and it'll just happen. It's just a matter of time.
5.
Seeing As It's You 01:47
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I had decided I probably rather die I thought I was pretty sure, but Now, I'll allow, that I guess I can see how It's got a certain allure... I'm surprised you're into that, but then what do I know? If you insist I might give it a go Son of a gun, who have thought it could be fun I was so certain it sucked It hurts to assert but I'm beginning to convert At least, when you instruct If someone else suggested that I'd probably think they're lame But seeing as it's you I guess I'm game And for some reason I don't feel too ashamed Why haven't I been doing this my whole life? I feel like such a fool How much other stuff that I haven't tried enough Is actually pretty cool? There must be a million things I've dismissed as dumb To which I might similarly succumb To which once the finger, now I'd raise a thumb But I still think if some other girl asked if I'd give that a whirl My skin would crawl, my toes would curl But with you there's nothing that I would prefer
6.
You, Naked 03:08
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13 miles, my tyres need adjusting Drenched in sweat, we both smell disgusting You can't wait to get home and shower I concur, and try to overpower Thoughts in my head that so boldly intrude I'm picturing you nude We both know why he hasn't called yet He has got all that he wants to get I'm afraid men can be dicks sometimes I'm one to talk… y'know this whole time That we've been talking about that shitty dude I've been imagining you nude If you thought about me naked I'd be flattered So maybe you don't care But I think about you, naked, all the time I thought you ought to be aware When I'm at work and when I'm at home I try but I cannot elude... When we're together, and when I'm alone I can't help picturing you nude
7.
I'm A Creepy Guy 05:57
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I think about you all the time, I'm obsessed I see you most days, and I research you the rest I'm clicking through bad pics, yr old blogs you think are lame, I'm fanatically, repeatedly googling your name Oh I'm listening to your teenage band, learning everything I can I suspect we both know why: I'm a creepy guy You went up to your room and left me all alone I sat there patiently, going through your phone Idly browsing through you're internet history Opening closets, rifling through your drawers, so much I want to see! You're irresistible to me, I LOVED reading your diary I'm pretty sure we both know why: I'm a creepy guy I'm outside your door and it's really pretty late I'm too nervous to knock but I'm content to sit and wait... I'll say I'm on my way somewhere, you'd probably think that's true There's no way you would suspect this is the kind of shit I do After midnight, out of place, I really want to see your face It's safe to say we both know why: I'm a creepy guy
8.
She's A Flirt 01:26
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She's a flirt She's a tease, oh Such a flirt And everyone agrees She makes all the boys go weak at the knees Oh I'd like to assert she's a flirt She's a flirt A coquette, yeah Such a flirt And what she wants she gets How'd you think she earned my last cigarette? Oh be on the alert for a flirt She's a flirt She's a minx, oh And so overt It's hard to miss those wink But it's all just fun, frivolous high jinks So try not to get hurt by the flirt

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released June 14, 2013

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Alisdair Cairns London, UK

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